Jenson Press

Today I’m finally back to Yishun Secondary. But up to my surprise, Mr Leong came and told me that maybe I can consider observing his and Zahlan’s Sec 1 class for ICT Literacy Programme. He said maybe I can compare my teaching style with theirs. He said it is always good to learn something from other teachers. Ok, since he has open his mouth, I should go for it, but unfortunately, Christopher and Madam Lung called me for helps then I was not able to spare the time to pay a visit to their class.

I do agree that I can learn something from anyone, even students too. But for me, my style is as long as students are doing my work, and they are actually showing me that they did come out with what I expected, I give them the freedom to surf net, use MSN, go Youtube, Frienster, etc. Maybe I’m too lenient to them? I don’t know, but so far I have not throw my temper at them yet. Therefore, there are some students who come to me and tell me that “Cher, If you never scold or be fierce to my classmates, they won’t listen to you one”, “you must scold them la, cher” Not bad la, at least I still know that some students who are willing to learn.

Then the disaster came when I brought some boys who are still loitering outside into the lab. Mr Leong was already inside scolding the students, they are so scared and so quiet inside. He scold them for misbehave and never pay attention, make noise, never do their work, even some of them, 4 in a group but only 1 or 2 of them doing the powerpoint. So he is so fed up and angry with them.

After he finish scolding them, I felt so guilty, coz my style make them like that. I felt that I’m the one to blame, I did not discipline them well enough until they get scoldings from Mr Leong. My style is I don’t really want to scold if they are not so out of control yet. After that Mr Leong passed over the class to me and asked me whether I have anything to tell them.

I just tell them frankly I don’t like to scold, I never scold them because I trust them, I trust that they will behave and do their work. I put hopes on them, I hope that they can learn to behave. But unfortunately, only the second week of my Powerpoint Lessons, Mr Leong cannot tolerate them anymore. He burst like volcano and the students became his victims. He was right la, because they always never do things at the right time. But to me, I am quite different, as long as you complete the tasks I assigned to you, you can do the things you want as long as you get my permission first. Maybe my way of lecturing them is wrong, I don’t know. But I really hate to scold if things never out of hand yet. I was a student, I know how it feels to be scolded in front of the class, or public punishment.

I try not to hurt anyone, I try to talk to them personally with the hope that they will understand, they will change. Well, maybe they just take it for granted. I was really put to a situation which I need to review my way of dealing with them. I really feel sad even until this moment. I felt so sorry for them.

Well, I think that class would never get the chance to see what I type as they don’t know my blog URL. And I really wanted to talk to them again without the presence of Mr Leong. I don’t want him to feel that I’m trying to tell him what he did today is wrong. I just want to have a private talk with the students on what I want to see from them, and many other things. I will be leaving this school very soon but I don’t want to because of that reason don’t bother them at all. Every student is like a little soul and little hope to me. How they will behave in the future really depends on this few years left in secondary schoo. Else when they grow up and work one day, they are shaped in that manner already, nothing much can be done anymore. I really feel down and sad now. I’m sorry to the students that get scoldings from Mr. Leong.

Well, I shall try to move on from there

I have been reading more on religious stuff and doing some learning. I can’t say I’m very knowledgeable in Buddhist Study. I can only say I’m a learner, and now I’m very interested into looking for internal peace through meditation. But it might be one year later, I would like to learn how to focus and feel the flow of air while breathing in and out. This is a way to learn how to focus and let ur mind rest in peace.

I met an uncle while browsing for books on meditation in a Buddist Book Shop, English name is Evergreen? Can’t really remember, only can remember the English name. It’s selling both English and Chinese Buddhist books. I did not get any of them in the end, but only a book regarding the study on Buddism and Christianity, due to the fact told by that uncle that I need someone to guide me and not to learn on my own as I might not be able to understand what the author trying to tell me. He even passed me a contact number for me to contact his friend who he claimed is very good in meditation. The venue of weekly practice is around Pasir Panjang area, at the west of Singapore, according to that uncle.

Well, maybe I should heed for his advice, learn to feel the flow of breath in and out to calm down my mind and to make it in peace. According to him and what I read from books, meditation make you gain wisdom while reading buddist books and scriptures only make you gain knowledge and how to put them into practice in your daily life.

Maybe I should really try it starting from today, else I would always try to drag and drag. I want to master it first before I proceed to meditation, thus, I give myself until end of the year to practice first.

Human beings always have feelings and temper, therefore, I wish to learn to control it too. I don’t want to shout at students or anyhow punish them while they are out of my control. I wish to learn to talk to them more and make them realise their mistakes, mend their ways and behave themselves. This apply to working life too! I wish to be a better man instead of being part of those teachers who don’t really care for students and people around them.

I have been learning IT skills as well as doing my own study on Buddhist teachings. Well, I want to make my time well-spent and wisely used. I think I should try to learn as much things as possible within the shortest time.

Well, for now Amitabha! ^^